RANDOM STORY 4: Today's Horoscopes

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Today's Horoscopes

Aries — Ram (March 21-April 19)
Someone you know may be feeling mystical. Stay out of the way!

Taurus — Bull (April 20-May 20)
Don't scream in public. It could prove embarrassing.

Gemini — Twins (May 21-June 20)
Control the urge to be a normal person. Be posh instead.

Cancer — Crab (June 21-July 22)
If you eat one pie too many while blinking vigorously it will leave you exhausted!

Leo — Lion (July 23-August 22)
A loved one thinks you are beautiful. Do not be taken in by flattery.

Virgo — Virgin (August 23-September 22)
quit in private when possible. It's difficult to concentrate when people are watching.

Libra— Scales (September 23-October 22)
Avoid yelling at the magic within.

Scorpio — Scorpion (October 23-November 21)
Never loan money to angry hobos! They are poor credit risks.

Sagittarius — Archer (November 22-December 21)
Today is a good day to eat a(n) table.

Capricorn — Goat (December 22-January 19)
You may receive some old firewood from a secret admirer! Water them every day, and they will last a long time.

Aquarius — Water Bearer (January 20-February 18)
Unless you organize your McDonalds coupons better, you won't get anything done.

Pisces — Fish (February 19-March 20)
A good friend will give you $1.874 to buy new hamburgers. Be sure to thank your friend.

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